Licensed Psychotherapist Board Certified Clinical Sexologist Certified Rehabilitation Counselor
So, Dr. Dae, would you consider decreased intimacy as a symptom and not a cause of strained relationships?
Many men express love and affection primarily through physical intimacy, thus would feel resentful, angry or hurt if that intimacy was diminished… for HIM, it would be the cause of the strain on the relationship.
On the other hand, most women need to feel love and affection in order to be physically intimate, thus any resentment, anger or hurt she is feeling would lead to decreased intimacy… for HER, that would become a symptom of the strained relationship.
The good news is, regardless how different we are… no matter where the disconnect stems from… with communication, commitment and compromise there is a way to find happy common ground!
~Dr. Dae
I hadn’t realized there was anything behind that ‘tune out’ time at the end of the night. This is something for me to think about. Why do I choose other chores over spending time with the one I most want to spend time with? Hmm?
For some it’s simply about changing gears and focusing on what’s really important, but for others it can be more difficult. Busy-work can be used as an avoidance tactic due to previous conflict in the relationship or fears about intimacy.
Good for you for exploring this for yourself! Let me know if I can help, because I guarantee that connecting with your partner will be more fulfilling than a load of perfectly folded laundry any day!
~Dr. Dae
Dr. Dae, I know it’s a good idea to have a night planned for just mommy and daddy but I resent the fact that I’m the one that has to plan it – not my husband. He has no problem planning a golf outing or a card night with friends so why is it so difficult for him to take control and make the plans? Thank you.
He may be accustomed to you making the plans around the house, he may think you don’t mind or he just may not have thought of it himself. Barring any other conflicts, let your husband know how much you’d like a “throwback date”. One where chivalry abounds, HE takes the reigns and you get swept off your feet. Set a timeline so you can arrange for the kiddos to be taken care of (and so he knows you’re serious).
Share with him that you are eagerly anticipating some time alone and reinforce his efforts with a playful phone call, e-mail or text. Don’t be shy about letting him know that you appreciate his taking the initiative and that he just may get lucky as a result!
~Dr. Dae
Dear Dr Dae~
I am the first to tell this to everyone I know, yet find it near impossible to practice myself. Why is it so difficult to accept compliments and praise from others? Even when inside you know you might kind of deserve it, there is still that shadow of doubt?
~Dr. Dae
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I have transformed from a clueless mom in this area to a safe harbor for open, loving discussions.
Graduate StudentDr. Dae had the ability to cut through all of the negative crap I had been telling myself for 20 years. She believed in me and taught me that I deserved to believe in myself. I am forever changed.
Female Indv. Therapy ClientWow! Way to teach a class!!!
Graduate Student